Play Dates

When children begin school, parents want them to settle and make friends. In my job as deputy head teacher, from time to time, I speak to parents who are concerned that their child is not making friends easily or are struggling to find other children to play with at lunchtimes. I often ask whether the child has other children over to play. The answer is often no, but arranging some play dates can be a positive step forward.

Going on your first play date without your mum or dad is a rite of passage in the first years of primary school. These shared experiences cement friendships and build social skills. As a parent, you get an afternoon off the school run and time to get some jobs done. However, you are expected to return the favour…

Play dates can be great fun but they can also include tears and cross voices. I have a few tricks that, hopefully, encourage things to go smoothly.

1.Sharing is a tricky business. It’s usually easier for children to share at school or nursery when the toys do not belong to anyone. When you have to share all your toys with a friend who is visiting, even the most easy going child can be pushed to their limit. I put away the special toys that have potential to cause upset. If you know that the Thomas the Tank train is going to be a deal breaker, then it’s definitely worth hiding it away in the top of the wardrobe. 

2. When the voices are starting to rise, I know it’s time to bring out a guaranteed win activity. Younger children often start off playing brilliantly together, but 45-60 minutes in the cracks appear. My ‘go to’ activity is play dough. It’s calm and great for stretching or pounding out tension. I like to set a challenge such as making a pizza together or suggest setting up a cup cake shop. At this point I usually join in or at the very least stay in the same room.

3. At an afterschool play date, I provide a snack and a drink on the way home or when we arrive. I encourage fruit as it’s no fun supervising children pumped full of sugar! Equally, if children start getting hungry and grumpy (referred to in our house as hangry) disagreements can quickly follow. For this reason, if the visiting child is staying for dinner, we usually eat earlier rather than later. I also let the child’s parents know in advance what I’ll be giving them to eat so that I can feel confident that the child will happily eat something.

Play dates get easier. They can feel like a big responsibility and it’s tough having a tearful child or a child that needs to be disciplined when their friends are visiting but like many parenting trials, they get easier. If you a concerned about your child not having friends to play with during school time, play dates may be the positive step forward that changes things for your child.